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Post 03
It is one of the most common things said at a funeral, and it is almost never the most useful. It sounds generous. It is meant generously. But in practice, it hands the burden back to the person who is already carrying the most.
A grieving family does not have bandwidth to manage your availability. They do not know how to sort their needs into categories appropriate to ask a coworker versus a neighbor versus someone from church. They are exhausted, and asking for help requires energy they do not have.
Chaplains learn to make offers that are specific and easy to accept. Not let me know if you need anything, but I am coming by Tuesday to mow the lawn. Specific help is easier to receive. It requires no organizational effort from the family. And it communicates something more important than convenience: it communicates that you thought about them before they had to ask.